Real Chiefs
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A Definitive Treatise On Real Navy Chiefs:

Fondly submitted by
Captain John McKechnie


Real Chiefs:

  • Are the only people that can make Ensign sound like a four letter word.
  • Think that Ensigns should be seen and not heard, and never, ever, be allowed to read books on leadership.
  • Don't eat quiche, they can't even pronounce it.
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  • Don't have any civilian clothes.
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  • Have CPO Association Cards from their last 5 commands.
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  • Don't remember any time they weren't Chief's.
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  • Have a coffee pot next to their desk with a tube running from it to their arms.
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  • Don't write in script, except for their paycheck signature.
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  • Proposes like this: "There will be a wedding at 1000 hours on 29 October, be there in whites with your gear packed because you will be a prime participant."
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  • Favorite national holiday is CPO Initiations.
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  • Keeps four sets of dress khaki uniforms in the closet in hopes they will come back.
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  • Favorite food is shipboard SOS for breakfast.
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  • Wish KP was still a Navy Tradition, 'cause they don't have to pull it.
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  • Don't know how to tell civilian time.
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  • Call each other "Chief."
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  • Greatest fear is signing for property book items.
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  • Dream in Navy Blue, White, Haze Gray and occasional khaki thrown in for good measure.
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  • Have served on ships that are now war memorials or tourist attractions.
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  • Get tears in their eyes when the "Chief" dies in the movie "Operation Pacific."
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  • Call their wife, CINCHOUSE
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  • Have tattoos and are carefully tanned.
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  • Don't like Certified Navy Twill. "Wash Khaki" is the only *&$#?@ thing to make a uniform out of.
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  • Can find their way to the Stag Bar in CPO Clubs blindfolded, on 15 different Navy Bases.
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  • Have pictures of ships in their wallets instead of their wife and kids.
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  • Don't own any pens that do not have "Property U.S. Govt." on them.
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  • Don't voluntarily get the mandatory flu shots.
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  • Don't order supplies, they swap for them.
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  • Don't drink, not since the invention of the funnel.
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  • Love quotes. Their favorite is from the movie Ben Hur, "We keep you alive to serve this ship."
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  • Don't curse like Bosun Mates. Bosun's curse like Real Chief's.
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  • Can name 15 bars in Hong Kong, but knows that the best bars are across the bay in Kowloon.
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  • Are at sea when their kids are born.
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  • Think that a 7 course meal, is a baked potato and a 6 pack of beer.
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  • Think excessive modesty is their only fault.
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  • Hate to write evaluations, except for their own.
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  • Turn in a 4 page brag sheet for their evaluation.
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  • Last ship was always better.
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  • Don't make coffee.
  • Know that the black tar in their coffee cup makes the coffee taste better.
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  • Idea of heaven-Three good PO1's and a Division Officer who does what he is told.
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  • Think John Wayne would have made a good Chief, if he had not gone soft and made Marine movies.
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  • Are hated by Supply Officers, who have to take inventory after the Chief pays a social call.
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  • Use the term "Good Training" to describe any unpleasant task:
    • Scraping the sides of the ship is "Good Training."
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    • Spending the night drinking and getting sick the next day is "Good Training."
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    • Having to sleep on your seabag in the parking lot because there was no room in the barracks is "Good Training."
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  • Have the heart of a little boy.....kept in a jar on their desk